Giving Tuesday 2022
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. The beautiful fall weather, time spent with family, and, of course, great food. Like many families, there would be the low hum of conversations while we filled our plates and quickly consumed our dinner.
After dinner there was the all-encompassing discussion of shopping for Christmas and where we’d find the best deals (my sister is still the queen of finding deals). Inevitably our planning would turn to what we could do for others.
Giving to others and engaging in acts of service has always been importation to us. From taking on families for Christmas to providing dinners for staff of a local Hospice home. We were hopeful these acts would be a blessing to someone in need.
November 29th is Giving Tuesday. A day in which we turn our attention to the needs of others. To become a blessing in the lives of children and families. And experience our own blessings when we have shown our care and concern for those in need.
Family Services of Davidson County provides many services to those who are suffering and in the mist of traumatic events in their lives. As you consider Giving Tuesday and making an impact in the wellbeing of others, we would ask that you consider supporting our services. Your gift will make a difference in the lives of those we serve and help us fulfill the visions of living life free of violence.
Thank you for considering a gift to Family Services of Davidson County. Blessing and peace during this holiday day season.
Tim Tilley
Executive Director
Family Services of Davidson County
Sexual Assault Awareness Month
On April 11th, the Davidson County Commissioners voted unanimously to adopt April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Read the details of the proclamation below! Thank you to all of the Commissioners for being helping FSDC bring awareness to Sexual Assault and helping us create a safer Davidson County!
It's Unfortunate
Recently, I had an experience that truly hasn’t happened that often during the last two years. While filling up with gas, the guy next to me started up a conversation. Since the start of the pandemic, I feel as if we all just stayed in our little bubble and didn’t converse with others as often. Yet here we were having a friendly chat and enjoying each other’s company while we waited for our tanks to fill. As is often the case, there was the question about what I did. I explained that I was the Executive Director of Family Services of Davidson County.
Through the years I have gotten the same next question, “What do you all do?”. I took the time to give a brief explanation that included providing crisis and counseling services to those impacted by traumatic events, such as sexual assault and domestic violence. I also spoke of our Hattie Lee Burgess House and providing services for those escaping violence.
The next statement really wasn’t surprising, nor did I think about my response until a couple miles up the road. He said, “That’s unfortunate that you have to provide these services.” I told him I agreed how unfortunate it was.
He then said, “God Bless you for providing these services.” I said thank you and we were off to fulfill our responsibilities for that day. But I began to think about my response to him as I traveled to the office.
Although we all agree of the unfortunate circumstances of those seeking our services. However, I began to think about how fortunate it was to have our services available to those who were building back hope and finding healing.
I thought about the strength of those we serve and their abilities to overcome. I then began to consider that Family Services of Davidson County was marking our 25th anniversary and how fortunate that we are available to those seeking our help.
I then thought of how we ensure our services last another 25 years to assist those who need the space to again find their strength and heal. I want to make certain Family Services of Davidson County is a viable resource for many years to come.
Toward this goal of sustainability, we have launched the 25 for 25 campaign. This campaign is looking to 25 individuals, groups, churches, or businesses to partner with us with a gift of $2500. These monies are the building block to ensure those who are suffering have the fortunate programming that will provide them the chance to build hope and find healing.
We thank you for your support of Family Services of Davidson County and your belief in our mission of Building Hope…Healing Lives.
Blessings,
Tim Tilley, Executive Director
Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month truly important to me?
I prepared for work this morning by looking through my personal items box, which contains my extra keys, wrist watches (that I never wear any longer), and lapel pins. There, I located my purple lapel pin to recognize the first day of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
As I started out the door, my wife asked what lapel pin I had on, and I explained it was my purple ribbon for Domestic Violence Awareness Month and quickly headed for the door. As I drove into the office, I began to ask myself, “Am I going through the motions or is Domestic Violence Awareness Month truly important to me?”.
We know the devastation domestic violence has on victims and their children. Not feeling safe in your own home and afraid of the very relationships in which we should feel the most at peace is traumatic. We know this trauma affects the very fabric of life and children exposed to this violence to a lifetime of mental and physical health concerns. Even lessening life expectancy!
I then thought of the 23 families in Davidson County who have lost loved ones to a fatal domestic violence incident. Four of these fatalities being the young and promising lives of children. All these who we’ve lost to this violence had those who loved them and depended on them. They had children, parents, friends, neighbors, and co-workers who were positively impacted by knowing them.
As a community, we are forever changed due to these lives that have been taken due to domestic violence. We can’t escape this fact. We may think it doesn’t truly affect us. Surely these victims had a way out and didn’t have to stay in relationships like these. We just need to dismiss it as a “one off” situation and look to tomorrow and better times.
However, it isn’t that simple. Those caught in the grips of a controlling relationship soon lose any semblance of their worth. They have been devalued and damaged to the point they see no purpose or importance in their world or community. Their lives become a constant race to stay just ahead of the violence bearing down on them. With this unrelenting challenge, there is no time to look for ways out and many feel their lives have already passed them by. They believe it must be their fault for all the destruction they continually live in.
We can make a difference in the lives of those impacted by this violence. We must keep our eyes and hearts open to those in need and make the promise to not dismiss this community health problem as something that doesn’t impact each of us. We can make certain we remain vigilant to the needs of victims and their children and not be afraid to ask, “Are you safe?”. Or to say to someone that you care about their safety, and they don’t deserve to be harmed or abused. You can direct them to national hotlines and local providers who are experts in addressing domestic violence and child abuse.
What we can’t afford to do is live our lives without Seeing. Without being open to the truth around us because it may cause us discomfort. In fact, I’m hoping our discomfort creates opportunity for change. That struggle improves our ability to identify what really matters. You can make a difference in the life of someone else! There is no greater calling than to care for others.
Please take a moment to remember those we’ve lost and to make a promise to not turn away and to shine the light in areas of darkness.
Thank you for accepting this challenge.
Tim Tilley
Covid Update
Unfortunately (or maybe I should say fortunately), I am at the age in which time seems to fly and a year seems like a week. Last March 14th, I was driving back from Asheville after attending the NC Marriage and Family Therapy Conference and, as the conference ended, there was an announcement that Governor Cooper just signed the Executive Order of Safe at Home.
As I drove home, I was in communication with our Directors to address our services, operations, staff safety, and client responsibilities. March 16, 2020 we were addressing our Contagious Disease policies and procedures and discussing how we were going to continue services while making certain we were not creating an environment for harm.
As I entered our office this past Monday, I was looking back at the year that was to be dominated by a once in a lifetime pandemic. I was thinking of how we accomplished to keep programming operational, vital, and meaningful to those we served and to our community. How did we manage to go a year without one staff member being diagnosed with COVID-19? How did we go a year without having to suspend services? How did we strengthen many of the programs that were already in place?
The simple answer was our staff. The dedication of those who have chosen to be part of the FSDC family and provide necessary services to those who need our programming to ensure safety, treat mental health disorders, and support families that have been impacted by trauma.
Staff made personal sacrifices to make certain they stayed healthy and did not expose those we served to a virus that was still unknown. We developed new policies and procedures so we could continue to serve those in need of a safe place to heal. Staff adhered to these changes and continued to educate themselves, so programming was not interrupted.
Looking back, I believe this showed our staff’s belief in and operating from trauma-informed principles. These standards that recognize everyone has value and how our clients are truly the expert about their own life. We stayed alert to their needs and the increase in depression, domestic violence, anxiety, and how this pandemic was triggering their trauma. We kept our focus while still looking over our shoulders to outrun this dangerous virus.
Pressure has the ability to expose character…our staff showed their unbelievable character as they faced a pandemic while they cared for others. Thank you FSDC staff!
With hope and belief in a better year,
Tim
2021 Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. 1 in 3 women, 1 in 4 men, and 1 in 2 trans and nonbinary people will experience an abusive relationship in their lifetime. We believe that prevention is essential and that educating our young folks now on dating violence will set them up for a future of healthy and happy relationships.
To do this, we will be sending out information to both teens and parents on the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, healthy qualities in relationships, and how to talk about relationships. We will also post a short video of teens sharing their experiences with healthy relationships and which red flags they plan to avoid in toxic relationships. Keep an eye out on our social media and look for communication from us with these resources!
Do you know a teen that is currently in a concerning relationship? Remember that our 24/7 Crisis Line is available at 336-243-1934 for safety planning and resources.
January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month
By Kailah Weaver, Intern
The United States Homeland Security describes human trafficking as “the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial sex act”. Some indicators that human trafficking is occurring can include:
poor living conditions
living with employer
inability to speak to people alone
signs of physical abuse
unpaid or paid very little
seeing multiple people crammed into a space, under 18 and in prostitution.
If you suspect human trafficking there are multiple places to call. You can call 911 in an urgent situation and explain what you have seen or call 1-88-373-788 The National Human Trafficking Hotline to report a tip or ask for more information.
Stalking Awareness Month 2021
Stalking Awareness 2021
By Jennifer Chandler, Advocate
January is Stalking Awareness Month, but what exactly is stalking? Broadly defined, stalking is a repeating course of conduct aimed at one specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. This means that the behavior of the perpetrator occurs more than once, is specifically aimed at the victim involved, and causes the victim to feel afraid.
Stalking Is:
A crime in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the U.S. Territories, Federal law, and many tribal codes
DANGEROUS! Stalking can escalate to property damage, physical violence, sexual assault, or even murder
An issue for ALL populations of people including those who may be under-supported such as: LGBTQ, Minorities, undocumented individuals, people with disabilities and formerly incarcerated individuals.
Stalking is NOT:
The victim’s fault
“Harmless”, or “Romantic”
Tips to deal with stalking behavior:
Keep evidence such as text messages, voicemails, photos, and documentation of incidents of stalking (including witness information)You can use this evidence to file for protective orders or criminal charges.
Change your normal routine, including the way you drive to work, hours you work, and where children receive daycare
Change your phone number and door locks
Alert friends, family, and coworkers of the situation (if comfortable) so that they can help
Make a safety plan of where you can go on short notice to stay overnight if needed (friend’s house, hotel, code word)
Use cash if the perpetrator still has access to your bank account to keep them from tracking you
To avoid TECHNOLOGY based stalking/tracking:
Turn off your location or log out of all apps that can track your location like snapchat, facebook, instagram, etc.
Check your car for tracking devices.
Avoid posting on Social Media about what you are doing or where you are going.
For More information on Stalking, visit stalkingawareness.org or call our 24/7 Crisis Line at (336) 243-1934
2020 In Review
If you will allow me, I would like to take time to share some thoughts, and experiences, regarding 2020. On February 17, 2020 I was in Wilmington, NC to witness my daughter receive her white coat during the UNCW’s white coat ceremony. As we stood for pictures, both of us smiling, I watched as over 40 other graduates of the ceremony were jovial and sharing smiles and laughter about their accomplishments. They were excited about what was on their horizon as they prepared to enter their nursing careers.
If you will allow me, I would like to take time to share some thoughts, and experiences, regarding 2020. On February 17, 2020 I was in Wilmington, NC to witness my daughter receive her white coat during the UNCW’s white coat ceremony. As we stood for pictures, both of us smiling, I watched as over 40 other graduates of the ceremony were jovial and sharing smiles and laughter about their accomplishments. They were excited about what was on their horizon as they prepared to enter their nursing careers.
Over the following few weeks my daughter would contact me and talk about the offers she was considering. I remember the call when she decided that Mission Hospital in Asheville was the one. She would be an RN on the Pulmonary Progressive Care Unit and was excited about living at the opposite end of the state.
As fate would have it, we both would be in Asheville in March. She would be completing an introduction at Mission Hospital and I was presenting an ethics training with the NC Association for Marriage and Family Therapists. We met for lunch, looked for a good coffee shop (with chocolate cake of course), and did a search for apartments. On that Saturday, she headed back to Wilmington and I had a few more hours of training to complete.
The date was March 14th and, as our training concluded, there was an announcement that Governor Cooper had signed an Executive Order for Safe at Home and NC was shutting down. On the drive back from Asheville, I was already speaking with Directors to discuss how we were to provide our services while keeping clients and staff safe.
As we met on March 16th, we discussed the impact of the shut down on services, programming, staff, and revenue. We immediately began the process of following up with our funders and began developing polices/procedures to deal with a pandemic. We implemented new service delivery systems while ensuring our clients’ needs were being met.
With the implementation of procedures to provide services during a pandemic, we found a way to keep serving our community. However, this was only accomplished due to the dedication and expertise of our great staff. Our Board of Directors were also instrumental in our work as they provided the necessary support and guidance during this difficult year.
I just spoke with my courageous daughter who is on the frontlines as an RN on the COVID floor. She speaks to the battle and anxiety of being overwhelmed due to facing death every day. She shares her stories of holding the hand of a dying patient while speaking on the telephone to the patient’s family to provide some sense of support during the patient’s last breaths. As I spoke to her, I was reminded of our staff’s efforts to ensure the health and wellbeing of everyone we serve.
This is the dedication of our frontline heroes. Our staff here at FSDC and frontline medical workers who answer the call to go right back to the battlefield. To ensure the care and safety of those in need. Because of these dedicated professionals I have hope for 2021.
May we make the necessary sacrifices to make certain these professionals know we are with them. As we have heard many times, WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!
Blessings and peace,
The Holiday Blues
2020 has been a tough year for everyone. Now that we are at the close, we must finish the year with the Holiday Season. While the lights may be bright, treats plentiful, and family nearby, it can also cause stress.
Written by Melissa Cook, FSDC Clinical Intern
2020 has been a tough year for everyone. Now that we are at the close, we must finish the year with the Holiday Season. While the lights may be bright, treats plentiful, and family nearby, it can also cause stress. Between the purchasing of gifts, the inability to celebrate with family and friends (Thanks, COVID-19), or disruptions in routine, it can certainly NOT be the most wonderful time of the year.
So how do we maintain our cool in a circus of chaos? Maintain routine. Making sure you are taking care of your physical needs is important. Sleep and exercise should be a priority. Remember that moderation is important. There is an awful lot of temptation- spending too much, enjoying food and beverage, or attending holiday activities. Overindulgence can lead to headaches, fatigue, and frustration. Most of all, give yourself grace periods. Call a friend. Listen to music. Read. Seek an activity that you can do just for you. That way, coming into January 2021 can be as peaceful as possible.
Happy Safe and Healthy Holidays!